30 Days Of Fear: 1st and 2nd week of challenge

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DEAR READERS,

Friend of mine said an astounding and revolutionary comment: ”Facing fears is actually quite nice”. That briefly summarizes this month 🙂

The challenge is now at its middle phase. What has happened within these two weeks?

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Group spirit

Group spirit is tangible and especially encouraging. Meetings have also expanded! In the first meeting, there was 12 of us, but in the second already 20. This just indicates how willing people are to do good and change. It’s hard to do it alone, but with others beside you, you’re never alone. You can change. You’re always at the right age.

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Challenges in the group have shifted from individual to more common challenges. For example we have started a reading circle to get things done more efficiently. It decreases stress as responsibilities don’t push us down.

On Tuesday the 17th, group of us went to the city centre to share free hugs to everyone. This event was organized by person who said two weeks earlier about depressing and low-energetic feelings. Transformation is huge! One of the huggers said afterwards:

I didn’t really know that hugging strangers would be so awesome. I will do this again many times for sure. Remember to care about people, everywhere.

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I couldn’t high-light more this saying from Joe Strummer, the singer-guitarist from The Clash:

Without people, we are nothing.

My challenges

IMG-20151106-WA0006Clothing in an extraordinary way:

For one day I decided to clothe myself in an extraordinary way. Intention was to see how others react. Original plan was to have pyjamas, but I ended up looking quite different, pretty much like hipster. My pyjamas were not in a good condition (= a bit broken). I was a bit of ashamed to wear clothes like that. It was easier to look cool and feel warm. With these clothes I didn’t feel awkwardness. Actually I like getting attention from others. Feeling that others don’t accept me due to dirty clothing would be much harder. To have a day dressing like a poor vagabond would be much challenging.

Listening myself:

One theme for the whole challenge has been the ability to start listening myself. I am sometimes so deeply in a loop of constant doing of things. It’s directed towards multi-tasking and planning my timetables pretty full. And when I have planned my program, but haven’t been able to fulfill it, I might blame myself. My planned program is not even mandatory but still I feel in a way like that. AND then when I finally start to relax, my mind usually says I am lazy and I should do something useful. One day I spontaneously challenged that mind pattern. I had pretty much program planned for that day.

In the morning, the first planned event got cancelled and for a while I was left alone with my mindset. What should I do now? What do I want do? The latter option seemed harder to implement, but that was what I did. For a moment I felt unsure and questioned myself but in the end it was the best possible thing for me. I also cancelled the next voluntary event and just gave compassionate attention towards myself and my feelings. It is okay to not be capable of filling one’s plans. Sometimes the best body and mind wants is relaxation and tender attention.

Broaden my mind:

I wish to extend and observe my mind. That’s why I started yoga and meditation practice again. I have also given guided meditations to some people and afterwards discussed about it. Currently I am now in a course about life management, therapeutic reading circle and of course, organizing challenge-group!

To go even deeper with my mind, I decided to challenge the concept of pain I have. That’s a really primitive fear we all have. It indicates something bad is happening to our bodies (or mind). But is it possible to find an inner peace during painful moments? To see beyond it and to see it as a more neutral part of life, not only associated with negative thoughts (though most of them are certainly understandable)

Because of these thoughts, not many of us have tried. One thing is also that I have to let go of control and surrender. Therefore I can’t cause pain on myself. It is caused to me. We created a setting where I will get painful impulses and I can’t control it. If I can’t control it, in how deep will I go? Feelings like anger, injustice, victim/guilt -mind pattern, fear of death and desperation came out first. They were the most horrifying dark sides of my mind. After being a while in this situation other type of feeling started to arise: POWER coming out, not surrendering and endurance!

After the moment was over, I wrestled with those feelings, that I had discovered from my mind. However, mostly I processed with feeling of guilt the rest of the day, because of what I had caused on my body. I felt others wouldn’t accept me and keep me as crazy. I have felt guilt a long time in my life, so this wasn’t an exception. It just felt stronger than before. I will make an another writing about guilt later on. In the end I just want to say that the feeling passed away when  could let go of it, see it’s not real. Then I just felt better and powerful.

I also have bunch of other challenges such as:

  • I’ve started unfriending people in Facebook. It has been harder than I thought, and it makes me sad, but that’s how it feels when you learn to let go.
  • I fixed my broken shoes! 😀

STILL 13 DAYS TO GO. TO WHAT HEIGHTS AND DEPTHS WILL WE END UP?

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